the relativity or fatality of disasters

each and every individual has his priorities

this makes sense…

to other individuals these might seem a bit weird, since that person has other priorities

that makes sense as well…

the consequence of these priorities is that there’s a wide range of disasters: from acceptable (losing an inherited piece of jewelry) to ridiculous (broken nail), from hideous (half a village swallowed by the earth after a quake) to “ehm… WHAT???” (pink suit for the chihuahua is sold out)

but let’s look at this subjectively for once

PART I – THE KOI

one of Belgium’s new-made celebrities Astrid B., with her own reality show, experienced a horrible disaster (her own words): one of her koifish died.

now, one could say, don’t be silly, buy a new one, you have more than enough money, consider it a welcome variation to purchasing Louboutins

but let’s not say that for once, let’s enter into her emotions

- first of all financially: it costs a lot of money!!! maybe up to 200€! that’s a lot of money! (this would be my argument, but since I’m not living in Hollywood, it might not count as an argument)

- second argument, a very strong one: after the decease of this particular koi, the bio-diversity of the pool is disturbed! at first we had 7 fish, now 6… that totally destroys the sanctity of the fauna… plus the leftover kois will be confused! since fish tend to have a short time memory (like myself, but that’s totally besides the point) losing one of their friends will be a problem: after having the chance of training their abilities to count to 7 before forgetting what they were doing, losing one of their mates will again cause a decay in memory capacities… cause right before they reach counting nr.7, a problem shows up… where is nr.7? now probably the fish won’t remember what they were doing, but they do remember the feeling of confusion… oh god, confused kois… where will that lead us :s

- thirdly: there might be now a serious decay in trust towards the neighbours’ animal residents… I didn’t mention this before but what if after a thorough crime scene investigation including brushes, dna and finger... sorry finprints and an autopsy points out the Chihuahua was the unsub? imagine the consternation, the loss of faith in the neighbours...  the drama!

… they will have to throw a serious amount of dinner parties to make up for it

what can they serve that’s appropriate… koi on the BBQ?

PS: if den John ever cheats on her, the kois will be involved: [I quote] “I will cut of the wee-wee, feed it to the kois, bake the fish and make him eat it”

what about the safety door

usually, when I think of safety doors in a penitentiary centre, I picture something in metal, eventually with a fire proof coating and three locks (one that goes into the ground, one in the middle that opens with a special key and one on top)
or a thick wooden door with a closing "pump" that locks automatically
or one with triple glazing and break proof coating etc.

also an iron gate with an permanent camera surveillance
or a normal door with security guards that check your identity
or a security system with fingerprint detection

maybe even an oak gate that is so heavy you can barely open it
or a door only reachable through a bridge in miserable state crossing a castle-moat
or even rusty trellis...


what I don't think about with the word "safety door" is this:

two cartboards glued together... that's about it...

in a penitentiary centre...

Belgium talking?

if...

we all know the deal: you did something stupid (in my case, happens every day) and you think “oh f*ck, if I had done that / if I went that way / if I just did this…”

although the swearing is a relief, the “if” will remain in the past, or in the not-happened future or whatever

but then again, there are a lot of things that would be very convenient if they would have happened

for example

you find yourself at the supermarket with a relative

plan is to buy only necessary supplies, you can’t in fact take too much since you came by bike

but after a while both you and your, let’s say for instance aunt, are becoming quite invisible, hidden behind a stack of stuff you need

and of course you forgot a basket at the entrance (why would you need one, you can carry the few necessary supplies)

how convenient would it be if your aunt had wheels… she would be a cart

and you can drop your stack in your family shopping cart

other example:

you’re cooking and you’re out of milk (won’t happen to me, given my allergy but soit, doesn’t matter here)

and you’re not just out of milk from that one carton left in the fridge, you’re out of milk in your entire house

now, you can go ask for milk at the neighbours, but since they are on holidays, you would have to go knock the other neighbours’ door, and you can’t stand them…

how convenient would it be, if you had a cow!!

or even better, since a cow takes up a lot of space in your (tiny) backyard, produces large amounts of you know what, and worst of all attracts flies, … so even better, if you’d have a cat!

why? easy: if our cat was a cow, we could milk her under the stove

makes sense, no?

no?

you know you’re in RLICC’s 2nd master when… - october 2011

1 - when the eternal quest for a thesis and internship keeps on going L

2 - when the logistics keep on being everything but logical

3 - when Barbara calls me in the evening if I can come with the 1st years tomorrow morning to their IPW1 in Liège (of course I can, don’t have anything else to do ;) (seriously))

4 - when I’m asked questions about surveying I can actually answer

5 - when I too am bonding with the 1st years

6 - when IPW1 2011 is much more fun: scaffolding!!! (it’s like a playground)

7 - when I’m pleasing hard working young professionals with cookies

8 - when I very unintentionally attacked one of these young professionals with the lid of the cookie box (sorry Candice)

9 - when the 2011 IPW1 site is way dirtier than the 2010 one (yes it’s possible)

10 - when drawings get wet and you improvise shelters

11 - when thorny bushes are in the way

12 - when calls of nature are performed in an unstable toitoi chemical toilet

13 - when you're stiring your tea with a pencil in lack of a spoon

14 – when rule nr.14 (ask Caressa) is still widely popular!

15 – when after waaayy too many months we got out! Than_I and C. making Leuven a more cheerful place :D

16 – when D., Ni. and I attend an international ICOM conference in Antwerps Boerentoren, or according to D. “the ugly tower”

17 – when the auditorium proves to be unsafe for “fallers”

18 – when Peter Greenaway’s movies are strange

19 – when historic houses have a lot of potential

20 – when the Palace of the Brazilian emperor was very close to the “bitch” [beach]
21 – when the room is full of "boobs" [books]

21 – when we visit the Rockoxhouse which collection has only one painting of the original collection of Nicolaas Rockox [maecenas of Rubens]

22 – when Ni. Triggered the alarm after sticking her head in a 17thC art cabinet

23 – when we visit the Antwerp MAS museum (hurray for the MAS!)

24 – when the MAS doors open automatically (creepy!)

25 – when I hear a Dutch guy say “alé” in plat Antwaarps

26 – when you find a saying in the toilet of a penitentiary centre that says “can’t find a way out? create one!” [huh???]

words...

words say nothing they say…

usually I care to disagree: compliments can make you fly, encouraging words can make you persevere, praising words from your promoter make you extremely proud, supporting words from a former superior boost your confidence…

you feel great!

for a second that is…

cause that cloud you’re on, depending on the specific words, isn’t that big it can carry you for a very long time and once there’s no cloud yet, you realize you still have no thesis nor internship, although you’re very qualified (witness those abovementioned words…)

I wrote the entire world with a killer motivation letter, being as enthusiastic as I could be (plus not faking it)

in the mean time applying for jobs and going to interviews, also not faking interest and enthusiasm... after a week you receive an answer: “you don’t have the job”... why not? cause I still have to do an internship

&”#@|µ*{à~)#

f*ck it! I don’t care for words, I need some actions...

...

but then again… a cry to the universe seems to be answered

not with actions but with words

not with an internship but with words of comfort from friends from the other side of the digital line (thx my dear friends)

not with a thesis but with loving words coming from the radio… just at the right time: Sweet Caroline (thx Neil Diamond J)

you know you’re in RLICC’s 2nd master when… - september 2011

1 - when professor KDJ (aka Krista) asks you, pointing towards professor BVDW's (aka Barbara) office: “is Babs in there?”

2 - when Caressa’s kitchen is actually an improvised broom closet

3 - when after 1 to 3 months you see happy familiar faces

4 - when the 1st years look familiarly nervous on the first day and are familiarly bonding after already 2 hours

5 - when the 1st years will see me around as “assistant”

6 - when somebody lost a lot of weight

7 - when professors have a Wikipedia page

in co-authorship with D. (you know you're in RLICC when)

what about the traffic jam?

apart from chocolat, frieten (NOT French fries), beer, René Magritte, Adolf Sax and Tintin, Belgium is known for its traffic jams

or let’s say infamous for its traffic jams

each and every morning (6h to 9h30) and evening (17h to 20h30) highways in Belgium are filled with walking speed traffic, resulting in many frustrations.

but apart from these normal times, there are as well abnormal times for traffic jams

22h30 in Antwerp for example

three weeks ago I got end up in one of these unexpected traffic blocks

in particular from the ringway to the highway (direction Germany)

we were just a bit too late

… or just a bit too early for a major, but timesaving, detour

it took us 45 minutes to cover a distance of 2km... walking speed in other words

now, you have a choice what to do in those 45 minutes:

- driving yourself insane of frustration and anger (in my opinion, not the best idea… not healthy)

- anything else

sing along with the radio for example, also here convinced about your superstar qualities

play the license plate game: make funny words or sentences with other peoples license plates (little catch, since you’re in a traffic jam, you tend to be surrounded by the same set of cars for the whole time... in other words, it gets boring (btw, I suck in this game))

read your newspaper (and when you’re done, switch newspapers with your neighbouring driver... because of the irregularity of this phenomenon, you make other people smile! ...funny...)

get into the most animated and fantastical conversation with your passengers (if you have them of course)

on the subject of those figments of imagination:

what caused the traffic jam?   oh... your fantasy goes wild!

you're imagining a deer crossing the road, almost hit by one car (the driver had to turn his wheel to avoid the animal, making a 360° spin, while scarcely touching the side of the road and avoiding three other cars), but hit by a second one (which throws the deer into the air, bouncing on a third car and landing on the side car of a motorcycle, bruised but still alive) the driver of the third car got of course involved in a hit with two other cars; the motor cyclists lost his side car in the mean time and drives on a couple meters, flabbergasted because of what happened

...

in other words: a spectacular accident

the traffic jam moves a bit, your car 12 meters

you stand still for 5 minutes

the traffic jam moves again, your car ... oh wauw... 300 meters

you stand still for 7 minutes

...

this goes on for, as I said before, 45 minutes

while approaching what might be the end of the traffic jam, cause you see orange lights flickering, your curiosity grows... and grows... and grows...

yes, you’re a disaster tourist

you’re indeed approaching the end: you have to merge

and then, as a needle to a balloon, a big grumpy fat ass to a little brave flower or an abrupt interruption of a movie slow motion, you see what happened

...

nothing

absolutely nothing

ok, good for the deer, but after 45 minutes of queuing, I did expect to see something good...

no no just construction workers, not actually working, no no!

construction workers posing for the photograph... of the traffic jam they caused

...

asses!

the secrets of a lifetime - part II

it was due... the next episode of bomma 's secrets

now that we're clearing out the house and we're dividing all the furniture, new secrets are revealed

- first of all: additional commentary on the reparing of broken postuurkes
I told you before (see secrets-of-lifetime) broken postuurkes were never thrown away, they were glued back to one piece
not surgically though: a big fat line of dried glue was sadly enough very visible
in that matter we discovered a postuurke of a fisherman's wife who lost her head
the head was glued back to her body but a bit loose (so she looked a bit like Nearly Headless Nick)
for a bit of extra "reinforcement", something was added inside: namely a cotton swab

- secondly: tableware...
we knew that apart from two "fancy" tablewares (one for anniversaries and holidays, one I think for when the king and queen would visit 'cause I've never seen it actually on the table), there was "one" for daily use
notice the quotation marks: by one I mean a dining set composed out of at least 20 different sets
I'm not gonna describe it all, see for yourself:

- and last but not least: wall paper...
how to save some money on wall paper? you have one bedroom, you take one setting (in particular, choose one wall your gigantic closet will go), and do this:

no one will ever know

well... almost no one :)

oleeee oleeee ole ole o-oleeee

unlike popular foreign opinion, Belgium won't split up

why? cause when the national team plays, football unites all parts of the country :D
yes, they can!!!!
rock 'em on Tuesday in Germany!!!

hurray for our boys
as a tribute: the "national" football hymn
you'll never walk alone

how to make people smile

enough complaining now (although, you gotta admit, it's fun :))

just a few tips now how to make people smile
you'll feel great, you make the day of random people and they pass on their happiness :)

- raining outside? no prob! instead of disappearing in the crowd in grey and black, wear all the colours you can find in your closet... in my case: green trousers, a yellow top, an orange vest and blue shoes
you don't look ridiculous, on the contrary, strangers on the bus tell you their day became sunnier
- raining outside? buy a yellow umbrella and create your own personal little sun
- bored on the train? do something unusual! leave you novels, crosswords puzzles or Ipad at home and start knitting...
you'll look romantic (at least, I did according to a stranger on the train), plus the nostalgia will take people back to the loving memories of their grandmothers
- playback along with your mp3, convinced about your superstar qualities
- winter's coming? look in shops only for colours: leave the grey, the dark grey, the darker grey, the blue grey, the black grey, the grey grey, the greyish grey, the other grey... go for bright red, bright green, bright blue, bright yellow, bright purple, bright orange, bright fuchsia
combine a red flower skirt, a green top, a blue vest and red boots and you'll be applauded on the street for your "nice outfit" (happened to me on two days ago :))
- but especially smile, whenever wherever, those who see you smiling, will smile as well

conclusion: the world's a better place for a while and it has you to thank for it :D

PS: please share your tips and make my day ;)

what about chick flicks?

why do Hollywood writers create chicks flicks?

according to Wikipedia (in particular situations, it’s even permitted for an academic educated girl to consult Wikipedia… quite logically I guess, given the barely scientifical subject ;)) a chick flick is “a slang term for a film mainly dealing with love and romance designed to appeal to a female target audience”

let’s analyze the definition:

“film mainly dealing with love and romance”

read: gorgeous woman and man meet each other, get together (of course both are, without any reason, incredibly shy), break up because of “insurmountable” difficulties, and get back together after the most difficult period of separation of their lives because the insurmountable difficulties weren’t as insurmountable as they thought (duuuuuh!!!)

“designed”

AH! there are people I can blame for it... good to know :D

“to appeal to a female target audience”

guess I don’t belong to the female target audience

don’t get me wrong: I’m not a bitter ugly unpopular girl (at least not according to popular opinion (joking ;)), I just don’t like this sticky (loosely translated from the Flemish word klef) kind of movies

why not?

first of all, a popular date of release of chick flicks: Valentine… a circus I despise (common! klef!!!)

secondly, a popular moment for broadcasting: each and every time of year you feel bad (aka Murphy)

thirdly, popular cast: the most gorgeous examples of god’s creation, only useful for daydreaming (nice daydreaming though, gotta admit)

fourthly, good humour: the lack of it anyway

think I prefer a good series: physicists humour (Big Bang Theory), sympathy for the devil (Dexter) or heroes (Heroes)

what about you?