at the movies: the movie

I almost forgot, but I actually saw a movie too after those 15 minutes of my life I'll never get back ;)

not just any movie, Titanic 3D!
now, I got pretty high expectations of it... seeing the stern of the ship go down in 3D must be mindblowing! it's already impressive in 2D!

rather quickly I noticed that my expectations wouldn't be fulfilled...
very few 3D depth, but oh... yes... the subtitles were ...ehm... coming forward

ah well... it's been 14 years since I've seen it, so let's enjoy and relax

we're somewhat halfway through the movie: Jack drawing Rose's portrait, the old Rose admitting that was the most erotic moment of her life... the entire audience being as intrigued as the crew of the submarines in this moment of Backfisch romance...
when ALL OF THE SUDDEN some idiot song starts playing...

"huh"??? is what I hear
"see you after 10 minutes break" is what pops up on the screen

:(

COME ON! talking about a pleasure kill...
it's not that hard to hold your pee for 3 hours!... even with all the water on the screen ;)
but apparently it is, cause about one third of the audience got up and left...

anyway, after the 10 minutes the movie continued
but oh... judging from the sound there was another reason for the break: refill of popcorn and chips... and judging from the smell also yoghurt??? (who eats yoghurt in the cinema?)

so the movie continued
and you all know the story, don't think I need to go into detail about that...
ship hits iceberg - ship goes down - Rose is saved - ...
... and "the old lady dropped it into the ocean in the end"
(this is not me talking, I quote a Backfisch on the seat behind mine... and "Oops, I did it again" gets stuck in my head... NOOOOOO)

the closing credits... the first notes of "My heart will go on"... (goosebumps, can't help it)
Celine Dion starts singing... as does a set of tough alphamales three rows in front of me :D

... now that's new :D

I left the theatre with a smile


PS: a Backfisch is a word for a young, immature teenage girl

at the movies

yesterday I went to the movies...
had a free ticket to spend so let's go for THE blockbuster of 14 years ago: TITANIC
... now in 3D

the movie started at 7.45PM
(... actually the previews start then, but we don't wanna miss those, now do we)
right on time I hand in the ticket (and paid 2€ surplus, cause cleaning the 3D glasses costs sooo much every time)
I'm properly installed when the light are dimmed...
a screen pops up: "the movie starts in 15 minutes"

o_0

wow... that's a lot of time for previews...

anyway preview time (and I completely forgot which previews so probably not about movies I wanna see)

another screen pops up: "commercials"

oh bah...
fanta, the event the world's going crazy about: the olympics "sponsored by coca cola" (pronounced with a laim not to be determined accent), something mysterious called "brightfish" (anyone any ideas who the one-eyed fish with the pointy tail is?), a commercial by the largest Belgian electricity company (with a funny dog :)), a new VW Beetle commercial (with the slogan "if you were good in the past life, you'll be rewarded in the next (which brought me to thinking what the hell I did wrong in my past life to go through all my thesis crap, but that's another story))...
and I believe there were more... I started watching the people around me, the commercials stopped being funny

anyway... a new screen pops up: "the movie starts in 12 minutes"

WHAAAAT!!! another 12? how's that even possible???

well, I'll tell you how that's possible: the following 7 minutes were filled with inquiries, commercials for "kids at the movies" (it's on Sundays), "ladies at the movies" (it's on ... ehm forgot...), probably also "teenagers at the movies", "secretaries at the movies", "dogs and cats at the movies" (cause they want their treat too) or whatever, some (I'm not interested in those) facts about the movie that's coming up, a MCQ about some actor or director or... from the movie that's coming up (I'm NOT joking unfortunately), again commercials...

another screen pops up (and you think, aaah the movie's starting): "the movie starts in 5 minutes"

o_0

I believe they played a new round of previews, possibly 3D upcoming movies... I'm not really sure
but since everybody around me was wearing the same type of glasses and a freaky anaconda snake crawled up right in front of me (and apparently also right in front of my girly side, front and back neighbours, judging from their shrieks)... it probably was 3D

new screen: "enjoy the movie"

... ow, there was a movie, right... thx for notifying... I almost got up and left the premises
what movie was I going to watch again???

in the swimming pool - part II

a new day, a new swimming round, a new set of incredible swimming pool phenomena

some tips:
1) when your skin is pale and you do not burst of selfconfidence, it is a very good idea to wear a transparant white or lila bathing suit
it doesn't make you look ridiculous and even more pale

2) when you decide to get a tattoo on your shoulder, don't hesitate to do something crazy, don't hold back
go for a leopard skin print
it's a ... ehm... brave way to proove your masculinity

3) when your heavily built, and you have some love handles, go for the black shiny bathing suit
it doesn't make you look like a S&M mistress in a latex outfit, no no

no no... (do sense the level of irony)

4) last but not least when you have chest hair, ok... when you have back hair, SHAVE IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!

the irony of art history

following the previous post, I have an announcement to make (I'm a little bit proud of myself :))

the cold diesel started rolling :D

hurray!! now let's hope we'll get to full speed in a bit

feat of the day: reading the entire monography written on the Egmontpalace (the thesis subject of course)

after hours and hours of getting to know how the counts of Egmont lived and left their premises, how the dukes of Arenberg had decadent parties, how one count was decapitated, the other emprisoned, another chased away, again another duke returned, bought, built, rebuilt after a fire, restored after the French soldiers, bought another piece of land, built again, sold in the end, parceled out part of his park etc... I got to the part of history where my thesis subject was built (by the way, I needed this history (15th to 19thC) for a general knowing of the complex, in case you're wondering why I didn't skip it)

the left aisle, upper square building and adjoining galery on the picture - copyright hln.be

although I knew there hasn't been much research on this aisle (that's why I'm making the thesis of course), I was expecting at least a page or a paragraph on the building

so... me: reading reading reading - "ah, a note on the aisle" - reading reading reading...

and arriving at once in the 20thC...

... wait a sec... 

the aisle was built in 1835... where did I miss the info?

f*ck: the note was everything

eh... so not much research is an understatement...

oh, the irony of art history... reading and reading and getting to know everything about everyone and anything you don't need to know and not finding what you're actually looking for...

mmm... why is there a sarcastic similarity in the search for true love, for the guy you like, the one who loves you for who you are, the tall handsome stranger who's gonna put your world upside down, the...

...oops sorry... drifting off of the subject :)

lesson for today: keep on looking, keep on reading, keep on swimming

ah well... more historiographical credit for me in the end then 

the internship - part II: the governmental copy machine

situation sketch: for the 78th time in 5 weeks my across-the-corridor neighbour (and genuine stereotype ambtenaar) comes and asks me about the study of one of the palaces in Belgium
it's an unpublished study that I need for my thesis, that is THE ONLY copy in the building
now, being occupied in a full-time internship, I can't devote myself full-time to the thesis (nobody can, at least not normal people, and besides the high level of craziness, I'm still quite normal on that level)
I know, the study is there on my desk (being THE ONLY copy), staring at me and giving me the feeling of guilth BUT all in good time... I will get to it

now... Jan (genuine stereotype ambtenaar's name) comes stumbling and hobbling out of his office, standing a while in his doorway (in the mean time I typed 10 sentences, read an article and checked my e-mails) and finally says

Jan : "do you still have the study of the Egmont Palace?"
me: "yes, I still have it on my desk", thinking it's been there for weeks, no I didn't take it home

Jan: "did you copy it yet?"
me: "no, do you need it urgently?", the word urgently almost making me burst into laughter since the concept of "urgent" is NOT in an ambtenaar's dictionnary
Jan: "no no, not at all but it's THE ONLY copy"

*boom* (that was me exploding... I know by now it's the only copy)

all right, all right... I'm off to the governmental copy machine that after 2 copies gives an error

... after 2 copies
... an error

OH SCREW THAT ONLY COPY :)

in the swimming pool

a little wave and celebration to me! I went swimming!! all together 850 meters if I'm not mistaking (counting and swimming at the same time is surprisingly difficult I must say... (or maybe it is my acute disability of doing several things at once... aka THE feminin capacity is not always applicable to me))

soit...

although I can't count and swim at the same time, I was able to remember some ...ehm... phenomena:

things you come across in a swimming pool
apart from the love handles and the very questionable bathing suits (some people really look like they go buy their bathing suits blindfolded), there are other ... ehm... issues you wouldn't expect in a swimming pool

first of all: central lane drivers, sorry... swimmers
this kind of driving is quite popular on Belgian highway (the average highway has three lanes, the middle one being particularly precious to drivers who don't belong there, like they see that lane literaly as the golden mean) but of course it annoys everybody trapped behind those drivers
they apparently also appear in the swimming pool
... it's annoying...
... they block the lane...
... create a "swimmer jam"...
and of course you can't pass them cause there are swimmers coming from the other direction and I don't swim fast enough :)

secondly: ghost drivers, sorry... swimmers
the outer lane in the swimming pool is particularly wide, wide enough for 3 lines of swimmers
everybody swims "on the right" of course, occassionaly a faster swimmer passes you in the "middle lane"
... or almost everybody...
last time I almost bumped into a ghost swimmer... he said "oops"
... "oops"... really?
guess he was British ...

thirdly : spitters
while swimming too enthousiasticly, some of the swimmers get a bit of water in their mouth and spit it out
usually in the pool
last week on me
I'm not joking ... I got "sprayed upon"
he as well said "oops"

swimming pools... always an adventure

very abercrombie&fitch

Monday 5th of December:

I'm walking the corridors of my internship place (sounds much cooler than it is, believe me) when I. stops me.
I.: "there's a website I'd like to show you and E." (the three of us are the only women on the floor, for the rest it bursts of testosterone (this being a severe exageration if you would know the "males" on the floor)) - "maybe a good idea for a field trip tomorrow... after lunch or something".

I am of course curious and go check the website and find this...

... a line of fine half-naked young gentlemen advertising for the new Abercrombie&Fitch store in Brussels.

as architects and art historians we have an eye for esthetics and since details cannot be judged on a picture, we need to go there in person (and with 3 people you always see more than when you're alone) ;)

let's check it out tomorrow


Tuesday 6th of December:

the birthday of Sinterklaas (Santa Claus' predecessor, a very popular holy man in Belgium and the Netherlands who, accompanied by his black servants (from the soot of the chimney, no racist motives involved), distributes candy and presents to the little and older ones)

anyway... checking out the naked chests myself today will be a bit difficult, but there might be a chance I can see a glimpse of them while passing by when we drive towards one of Brussels' museums

we drive by...
locate the gigantic A&F banner
see the guys...

... wearing vests! OOooh THE WOOSIES

I'm disappointed now

the internship - part I: the governmental printer

situation sketch:

I'm sitting at my internship desk (I have my own office... as an intern... quite decadent no :)) working on the computer and I come across an interesting report

I click on the print button, select some pages (to save the environment, after all I am talking about a 600 page report) and press "print"

25 minutes later I realize "ow right, I printed something" (which is normal given my short term memory dementia, like Finding Nemo's Dory)
I walked to the printer room where some little light is blinking "out of toner"

I look around... no toner
I check with my colleague, she says the following words: "ah yes, ehm... is it urgent?" - "no, not really" - "then maybe it's best to wait until tomorrow, Y. or M. usually replace the toner" - "ah ok"

now, three days including a weekend later Y. nor M. showed up

so I'm still waiting to print...
and I feel like becoming an ambtenaar of the government myself (oh boy...)

the technological revolution - part I

we all know… in the past decades technology changed massively!

people are reachable anywhere, at anytime, at anyplace; we need internet connection everywhere; checking mailboxes happens digitally, in the real one we only find bills; music files became abstract; and to my personal annoyance we all use GPS (except for me and my dad, cause I hate it), nobody knows how to read a map anymore (except for me, even though I’m a woman) etc…

technology changed so much in so little time, the phrase “do you know how to get there” is without any exception (except for me and my dad) answered by “don’t worry, I have my GPS”.

technology’s revolution even moves people, namely Rand E., to make a very cool flash adobe presentation with an overview of yesterday, today and tomorrow (thank you, Rand).

one of Rands wishes for tomorrow got my attention: “indoor GPS”…

now before I will elaborate on that, let me describe my skepticism towards GPS:

- 1. two examples of human stupidity: about every 5 months, one finds an article in some newspaper about a fool who drove into a pond, river or canal because he was following his GPS instructions;

- 2. a former friend of mine was going to a local theme park, at a specific point there was a signpost leading them towards that theme park (to the right) while the GPS said “turn left”… they turned left, ended up hitting another car in an alley in the centre of the middle of nowhere (PS: he’s not my friend anymore, but for a different reason J)

- 3. some years ago I carpooled with my cousin to another cousins wedding… the first cousin had a new GPS… he knew how to get to our destination but used the GPS anyway… there were two possible highways to take… he took the second… the GPS took the first…

result: over a distance of more than 10km, where every 200 meters you can turn around, the GPS ordered my cousin to make a U-turn… for about 50 times!!! It’s safe to say I went nuts

now… back to the “indoor GPS”

before Rand could explain this particular idea for the future, my imagination of course went crazy…

- 1. indoor GPS: suitable for morning grumpies who tend to bump into every obstacle on their way to the bathroom: “in 1 meter beware for the sock you carelessly left about yesterday evening”

- 2. in case of a cold or illness manifesting in the bathroom: “make a U-turn”

- 3. in case of severe short term memory dementia: “start: front door; destination: toilet – in 3 metres, turn right, go up the stairs, continue straight on for 12 steps, turn right… you’ve reached your destination” (maybe look around and make sure you have actually reached your destination… GPS’s aren’t always perfectly accurate ;))

- 4. in case of dilemma what route to choose: “start kitchen; destination: bath room – 1. choose most economic route, 2. choose most indoor route, 3. choose shortest route” (in my opinion same route each and every time)

- 5. in case of… *poof* (sound of me pull out of my imagination)

… Rand: “indoor GPS: to easily link surveyed rooms together in an AutoCad drawing”

pff… boring… my ideas were cooler!

why I love my country – part I

some people seem to be born in the wrong country: a hectic Spanish guy, a punctual Italian girl, an ungründlich German

others are born where they belong, although spreading their wings is of course optional

you know I belong to this last category

why? one word: chaos

where? everywhere

part I: TRAINS

- during rush hour there’s is sadly enough a 90% chance of delay (reaching from 10 to 35 minutes or sometimes even more)

so you might think, “I’m losing time here on this stupid platform, tomorrow I’ll come 10 minutes later, I’ll still be on time”... now when you arrive the day after at the platform, 5 minutes late (not 10, just to be sure), Murphy WILL have struck, cause for 1 night (and 1 night only) your train was on time

- taking the same train every day doesn’t mean you take it on the same platform (right D. ;))   so if you find yourself running for that train cause your late again, do not jump randomly on the train you usually take: especially during rush hour there’s 50% chance you’ll end up in the middle of nowhere because of “spoorwijziging! the train of 8h03 in the direction of Ostend will depart from platform 4 instead of 1” (this message being broadcasted in the station in Dutch of course)

- as you all experienced before I suppose, those times when you’re tired the most and you reached your utter boundaries (so when you’re in need of a quiet train), you’ll find a group of girls that thought it was necessary to come sit next to you, chattering and twittering like a gang of chickens

- when the sign on the platform might say “don’t get in”, even when there’s no train to get in to... (am I supposed to look for an invisible Hogwards Express or something?)

- and last but not least, there are situations like this (notice the time):

the Kafka called NMBS/SNCB :D

... lovely J

the secrets of a lifetime - part III

we're not finished yet...
new secrets are revealed

we might have had an idea about it in advance...
all members of the (extended) family had more than one

what? glasses!
bomma and bompa had them, my dad, aunt and uncle had them since they were little, and their aunts and uncles had them
and remember... nothing was ever thrown away

result...

dozens of very hip glasses and sunglasses

look a bit more closely
- half a pair of glasses:

... for the masked ball maybe?

- two halves that used to be one: 

 ... to repair with tape?

 - a pair of glasses without glasses:

... to be used as a toy or for the local drama club?

- a pair of glasses with one glass:

 ... to... ehm... I really don't know

what about the safety door

usually, when I think of safety doors in a penitentiary centre, I picture something in metal, eventually with a fire proof coating and three locks (one that goes into the ground, one in the middle that opens with a special key and one on top)
or a thick wooden door with a closing "pump" that locks automatically
or one with triple glazing and break proof coating etc.

also an iron gate with an permanent camera surveillance
or a normal door with security guards that check your identity
or a security system with fingerprint detection

maybe even an oak gate that is so heavy you can barely open it
or a door only reachable through a bridge in miserable state crossing a castle-moat
or even rusty trellis...


what I don't think about with the word "safety door" is this:

two cartboards glued together... that's about it...

in a penitentiary centre...

Belgium talking?

if...

we all know the deal: you did something stupid (in my case, happens every day) and you think “oh f*ck, if I had done that / if I went that way / if I just did this…”

although the swearing is a relief, the “if” will remain in the past, or in the not-happened future or whatever

but then again, there are a lot of things that would be very convenient if they would have happened

for example

you find yourself at the supermarket with a relative

plan is to buy only necessary supplies, you can’t in fact take too much since you came by bike

but after a while both you and your, let’s say for instance aunt, are becoming quite invisible, hidden behind a stack of stuff you need

and of course you forgot a basket at the entrance (why would you need one, you can carry the few necessary supplies)

how convenient would it be if your aunt had wheels… she would be a cart

and you can drop your stack in your family shopping cart

other example:

you’re cooking and you’re out of milk (won’t happen to me, given my allergy but soit, doesn’t matter here)

and you’re not just out of milk from that one carton left in the fridge, you’re out of milk in your entire house

now, you can go ask for milk at the neighbours, but since they are on holidays, you would have to go knock the other neighbours’ door, and you can’t stand them…

how convenient would it be, if you had a cow!!

or even better, since a cow takes up a lot of space in your (tiny) backyard, produces large amounts of you know what, and worst of all attracts flies, … so even better, if you’d have a cat!

why? easy: if our cat was a cow, we could milk her under the stove

makes sense, no?

no?

what about the traffic jam?

apart from chocolat, frieten (NOT French fries), beer, René Magritte, Adolf Sax and Tintin, Belgium is known for its traffic jams

or let’s say infamous for its traffic jams

each and every morning (6h to 9h30) and evening (17h to 20h30) highways in Belgium are filled with walking speed traffic, resulting in many frustrations.

but apart from these normal times, there are as well abnormal times for traffic jams

22h30 in Antwerp for example

three weeks ago I got end up in one of these unexpected traffic blocks

in particular from the ringway to the highway (direction Germany)

we were just a bit too late

… or just a bit too early for a major, but timesaving, detour

it took us 45 minutes to cover a distance of 2km... walking speed in other words

now, you have a choice what to do in those 45 minutes:

- driving yourself insane of frustration and anger (in my opinion, not the best idea… not healthy)

- anything else

sing along with the radio for example, also here convinced about your superstar qualities

play the license plate game: make funny words or sentences with other peoples license plates (little catch, since you’re in a traffic jam, you tend to be surrounded by the same set of cars for the whole time... in other words, it gets boring (btw, I suck in this game))

read your newspaper (and when you’re done, switch newspapers with your neighbouring driver... because of the irregularity of this phenomenon, you make other people smile! ...funny...)

get into the most animated and fantastical conversation with your passengers (if you have them of course)

on the subject of those figments of imagination:

what caused the traffic jam?   oh... your fantasy goes wild!

you're imagining a deer crossing the road, almost hit by one car (the driver had to turn his wheel to avoid the animal, making a 360° spin, while scarcely touching the side of the road and avoiding three other cars), but hit by a second one (which throws the deer into the air, bouncing on a third car and landing on the side car of a motorcycle, bruised but still alive) the driver of the third car got of course involved in a hit with two other cars; the motor cyclists lost his side car in the mean time and drives on a couple meters, flabbergasted because of what happened

...

in other words: a spectacular accident

the traffic jam moves a bit, your car 12 meters

you stand still for 5 minutes

the traffic jam moves again, your car ... oh wauw... 300 meters

you stand still for 7 minutes

...

this goes on for, as I said before, 45 minutes

while approaching what might be the end of the traffic jam, cause you see orange lights flickering, your curiosity grows... and grows... and grows...

yes, you’re a disaster tourist

you’re indeed approaching the end: you have to merge

and then, as a needle to a balloon, a big grumpy fat ass to a little brave flower or an abrupt interruption of a movie slow motion, you see what happened

...

nothing

absolutely nothing

ok, good for the deer, but after 45 minutes of queuing, I did expect to see something good...

no no just construction workers, not actually working, no no!

construction workers posing for the photograph... of the traffic jam they caused

...

asses!

the secrets of a lifetime - part II

it was due... the next episode of bomma 's secrets

now that we're clearing out the house and we're dividing all the furniture, new secrets are revealed

- first of all: additional commentary on the reparing of broken postuurkes
I told you before (see secrets-of-lifetime) broken postuurkes were never thrown away, they were glued back to one piece
not surgically though: a big fat line of dried glue was sadly enough very visible
in that matter we discovered a postuurke of a fisherman's wife who lost her head
the head was glued back to her body but a bit loose (so she looked a bit like Nearly Headless Nick)
for a bit of extra "reinforcement", something was added inside: namely a cotton swab

- secondly: tableware...
we knew that apart from two "fancy" tablewares (one for anniversaries and holidays, one I think for when the king and queen would visit 'cause I've never seen it actually on the table), there was "one" for daily use
notice the quotation marks: by one I mean a dining set composed out of at least 20 different sets
I'm not gonna describe it all, see for yourself:

- and last but not least: wall paper...
how to save some money on wall paper? you have one bedroom, you take one setting (in particular, choose one wall your gigantic closet will go), and do this:

no one will ever know

well... almost no one :)

what about chick flicks?

why do Hollywood writers create chicks flicks?

according to Wikipedia (in particular situations, it’s even permitted for an academic educated girl to consult Wikipedia… quite logically I guess, given the barely scientifical subject ;)) a chick flick is “a slang term for a film mainly dealing with love and romance designed to appeal to a female target audience”

let’s analyze the definition:

“film mainly dealing with love and romance”

read: gorgeous woman and man meet each other, get together (of course both are, without any reason, incredibly shy), break up because of “insurmountable” difficulties, and get back together after the most difficult period of separation of their lives because the insurmountable difficulties weren’t as insurmountable as they thought (duuuuuh!!!)

“designed”

AH! there are people I can blame for it... good to know :D

“to appeal to a female target audience”

guess I don’t belong to the female target audience

don’t get me wrong: I’m not a bitter ugly unpopular girl (at least not according to popular opinion (joking ;)), I just don’t like this sticky (loosely translated from the Flemish word klef) kind of movies

why not?

first of all, a popular date of release of chick flicks: Valentine… a circus I despise (common! klef!!!)

secondly, a popular moment for broadcasting: each and every time of year you feel bad (aka Murphy)

thirdly, popular cast: the most gorgeous examples of god’s creation, only useful for daydreaming (nice daydreaming though, gotta admit)

fourthly, good humour: the lack of it anyway

think I prefer a good series: physicists humour (Big Bang Theory), sympathy for the devil (Dexter) or heroes (Heroes)

what about you?

what about Belgian weather

first of all... this is an attempt

Belgian weather tends to be completely inexplicable

everybody who has lived in Belgium for a year or more knows what I'm talking about

nonetheless, let's try…

WINTER

occurs supposedly between the 21st of December and the 21st of March

(but don't be surprised to find wintery temperatures in "summer" and springy temperatures in "winter")

further on winter is known to be cold

(by cold I mean the amount of layers Joey wore for fun in the one where no one's ready won't suffice)

rain?   yes, in several sizes, appearances and shapes

troubles?   oh yes, depends on the rain previously stated

we're talking about (multiple) fractures, wrenching and gigantic bruises because of slipping by bike or foot   ... auw

we're talking about car dents because of slipping by ... ehm car

we're talking about kilometers and kilometers of traffic jams: last year's record 950km thanks to snow and glazed frost   ... it was slippery

don't need to tell you what happens with buses (can't drive anymore), trains and trams (tracks froze up), planes (can't fly)

this year?   frrrrrrrrrrrreezing

... such fun :D

SPRING

occurs supposedly between March 21 and June 21

(don't be surprised to have a real "summer" in spring; it actually seems to become a trend)

further on spring is known to have different temperatures ranging from 0° to 30°

rain?   yes, they're called showers, especially in March and April

you can do whatever you want outside, cause it's really nice weather; you just have to be trained to know when to sprint inside

5 minutes prediction is easy: when you hear the rumble, see the sky gets armaggedon-grey to black and spot people looking up, then you know it's time to run for your life to the closest shelter where you can stay for the next 20 minutes.

this occurs in several rounds, unpredictable amount... that's why it's called "variable weather"

troubles?   not specifically, except for the possibility of soaking wet outfits 5 times a week

this year?   amaaaaaaaazing (but we were holding ours breaths for summer, quite rightly, so it seemed)

... such fun :D

SUMMER

should occur between the 21st of June and the 21st of September

("should")

further on summer is known to have different temperatures ranging from 10° to 35°

(it can be freakishly cold or terribly hot (Belgian terms) in summer)

rain?   yes, either severe thunderstorms, showers or (what I hate the most) "mosquito piss" (doesn't look like rain, but you get soaking wet)

troubles?   depends on the particular weather situation

- heat wave (yes, they do exist from time to time in Belgium): dehydration and complaining about the heat

- thunder storms: uprooted trees, damaged cars and houses, and unfortunately sometimes also casualties

- no weather (no sun, no rain, just clouds): depression and blaming the weather man/woman

this year?   sucks…

... such fun…

AUTUMN

should occur between September 21 and December 21

("should")

further on autumn is known to have average temperatures ranging from 0° to 20°

rain?   especially when school starts and ends (you don’t need a watch, just look outside, if it’s raining it’s 16h)

troubles?   not in particular

this year?   first half of September: average (= rain outside school hours); second half of September: “summer” (= two weeks of 25°, sun, sun and sun)

... such fun :D

anyway… favourite sport of the Belgians (except for commuting) is talking (mostly complaining) about the weather

you can’t enter a bakery, butcher or hairdresser without a “what a weather today he” (with a smile or sarcastic undertone depending on the situation)

- bakery last weekend: “nice weather this week he, pity it wasn’t like this during the holidays”

- butcher yesterday: “300gr cheese please” – “nice weather today he” – “yes, really nice”

- hairdresser today: 5 costumers (in 90 minutes) all talking about the weather, including the surprised exclamation “ja, amai!”

also holiday cards have one always returning favourite, apart from the food: “nice/bad weather”

PS: given the more sarcastic, complaining undertone of aforementioned post, you know I’m a Belgian :D

PPS: for Antigoni

what about Murhpy

Murphy's favourite places for his law to make its strike:

- your front door: the gutter is leaking and attacks your favourite dress with a well-aimed drop of accumulated dirt

- halfway the route to your work: you left by bike on a sunny morning, 5 minutes later sun disappears behind a gigantic cloud, another 10 minutes later the sky turns apocalyptic black and you know a drash national will follow (term for the traditional showers on the Belgian National Holiday, in my opinion applicable on more or less every day of the year) and you’ll arrive soaking wet at your work

- at your work: outside temperature drops about below -50°C (or so it seems) and the heating is... broken (for Ca. and all university employees at the castle)

- on the way both to and from school (in other words from 7u30 to 8u30 and from 16 to 17): ... it rains

- about everywhere: meeting your ex when you look like you’ve drowned two weeks ago (for D. ;))

- about everywhere where you can eat: the combination of every form of liquids or sauces and a freshly washed outfit (for myself)

- in your bathroom: boiler’s broken when you’re in need of a hot shower (after that drash national of this morning)

- in a vacant house (in my case the one of my grandma): you’re the first to enter, meaning you’re the one to walk into a metropolis of spider webs...

- and of course… the supermarket: when you arrive by car, there’s only a place left at the far end of the parking (but when you reach the entrance all the sudden there are about 6 free parking places right in front of the door)

you chose the wrong shopping cart (god knows why only your cart sounds like a goose is trapped with his balls in every hinge of the cart)

and... duh... you chose the wrong line at the counter

grmbl...

but since my favourite type of humour is irony (oh irony)

Murphy’s law… my favourite law…

or maybe Jude Law… :D

thx to D.

the secrets of a lifetime

three years ago my beloved grandmother passed away.
bomma was a wonderful woman: she cared about her children, loved her grandchildren deeply and welcomed everybody in her house.
a strong loving mother you can rely on: you need someone to talk to, she listens; you need someone to chat with, she’s there, coffee and 20 different kinds of cookies included.
she’s always considerate about others, never about herself.

but bomma also had a thing for collecting stuff

or actually a fear for throwing things away

in the past three years, more than once we came across… euhm… let’s call it phenomena.

she did warn us… but still…

- EVERY drawer, shell, container… had a piece of paper in it “for protection”. Btw, we’re not talking about a uniform kind of cover, we’re talking à l’improviste: pieces of wrapping paper (not new paper, but wrapping paper from a former present), envelops (A4 size, always useable for something), pieces of wall paper (no idea where they come from, she never had this kind of wall paper), pages of a calendar (going back 40 years), pieces of toile cirée (the covers of a dining table, from 30 to 50 years ago… my personal favourite: a 90’s motive black and white dots with bright coloured triangles on the shelves of an antique cabinet)

- in the same category: EVERY closet has a little curtain in the back “for protection” (red with flowers, white with roses and… my personal favourite: baby pink with pastel butterflies in the back of that same antique cabinet)

oh boy…

- talking about calendars: not only did we find them on the bottom of the drawers; the drawers, spread throughout the house of course, were more than often filled with old calendars… kept for “the pretty pictures”…

- but what to do with those pretty pictures? … ehm… keep ‘em in the drawers; they might come in handy… for what? NO IDEA

ah wait, we did find one frame on the wall with a “pretty picture”

oh god…

- let’s go to the lace (I’m talking about little cloths aka lappekes)…

first of all, imagine a collection of statuettes (aka postuurke) with an average of 10 per m²

well, EVERY postuurke has a lappeke… every vase has a lappeke, every table has a lappeke, 

every window sill has a lappeke, every chimney pieces has lappekes, every sofa has a lappeke on top…

so one window sill probably has about 8 lappekes: a bigger one along the window, one under each postuurke and vase (there are 5), and 2 of the vases were placed on a plate (with lappeke)

you do the math for the amount of lappekes

ah yes… forgot… there was one on top of tv…

- btw, about those postuurkes, don’t throw them away when there broken… no no paste the pieces back together… it’s too pretty

oh boy…

- also, don’t be startled of the separation of a teapot (on a kitchen shelve) and its lid (in the basement)

still wondering how but whatever

- let’s go to the garage… or maybe not

grandpa's domain, secretly a degree worse: nails, rivets, bolts, hammers, saws, … equipment for an entire army; shovels, pitchforks, rakes, … for an entire farmer’s community; sometimes a little treasure… original roller-skates for example

and loads and loads of toys…

toys?

grandpa's toys?

oh no… they were mine… oops

haa… the secrets of bomma’s lifetime…

we still love her deeply

what’s the most frightening development in modern society

though question and despite the fact I can come up many answers, I prefer the following: poor advertising.

you know the drill (esp. in Flanders this is a well known but notorious phenomenon)… your mailbox pops from paperwork and you know you like mail!   exciting J

BUT… in that pile of paperwork after 20 minutes of digging you find… nothing but advertisements for stores you never go, coupons for products you never use and publicity for some godforsaken beauty contest… GRMBL

you know the drill… “you have seven news e-mails” and you know you like mail!   exciting J

BUT… mmm an e-mail from the bank about pre-marital saving… for couples… oh irony, you’re single; 

an e-mail with a 10% coupon for the beauty farm… located in a town 100kms from your place (a distance in Belgium considered to be “far far away”); 

4 facebook-messages… yes I know, just checked fb; 

and… and now you’re hoping for something interesting… it’s advertising for the musicals coming up, mmm nice… but… “damn, I’m broke”… 

GRMBL

you know the drill… you’re watching your favourite show on TV and are enjoying a relaxing evening! nice J

BUT… every 7 minutes, wait, no, 6 min 35 seconds, the TV station thinks they need to interrupt the show for publicity… commercial n° 1: washing powder, n°2: coffee; n°3: dog food, … n°6: cat food, … n°14: a laim clothing store, … (in the mean time you went to the toilet, got something to drink, called a friend, decorated your future home, married mr. perfect, designed your entire life and got something to eat)…

and then!   like a gift from the gods…

a commercial for potato crisps… it takes a while… but it cracks you up (probably because of the severe decline in your humor quality level) but still...

red parrot (salty) asks: "hey paprika, do you have a new hat?"

green parrot (pickles) answers: "no, I got new slippers"

...

:D laim, but hilarious :)




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